Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Post Thanksgiving
So I must admit Thanksgiving was kinda hard this year for me, I took the meds the doctor said would make me feel better, I did. But the real feelings of missing a life partner came crashing down on me two days later, maybe the alcohol did enhance it but the pain was real. I never in a million years would've thought i'd be a single parent by chance of him dying in a car accident. It seems like someone elses life, not mine. We're too young, we have/had so much more growing, loving, arguing, bickering and love to make. I'm 28, its been 6months. Wow!!! I can't believe its been six months already. It does get a little easier, but the pain still sits in my chest. The pain also is in my eyes when my mind wonders to 'what if' mode. I always think of what if, but if i believe the bible and understand it, i'd stop thinking 'what if'. I guess
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Well, the holidays are hard. It wasn't until your bday that I realized this would be the year of 1st for you. For me Ras pasted in November so we got all the holidays all @ once. But I am not sure if the pain will ever go away or the "what if" feelings. I wonder too but if you believe in the bible you know we are only human and for whatever reason this is the walk GOD has given us. For some reason I believe he has something in store for us and by giving us these shinning men if nothing more he told us what love looks like. We are young "the young widow club"... I've told u before, even in the mist of tragedy I can say I am so grateful to have you as a shinning light to help me reach it to some place of comfort someday. Like I said I don't think we will ever completely heal, but I pray we find the place to keep us in a "calming" place to receive the next mission from God. I believe your place is in an advocacy role.... Meditate on it and tell me what u think..
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