So if you didnt know by now, i'll admit i'm not a planner. I make procrastinator, spur of the moment type decisions. Meaning i'll think of something for weeks even months before I act on it. I've been wanting a new phone for about a month, and today I saw one more family member with a new phone. I said screw this and went and got me one :p and the more mind boggling, procrastination was when and what to go back to school for. So at 3am im awake watching the Flintstones in peace, It pondered my mind AGAIN when are you gonna go back to school??
TODAY!! No more waiting or excuses (even though they're valid) I enrolled in an online accredited college for an Early Childhood Education degree!!!
Im a little nervous but excited. Ill be fine
And successful. Yay me!!!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Work it Out
Throughout my life i'd dibble and dabble with exercise since high school, but I've never really taken it that serious, because I felt I didn't need to exercise. Until Now. I am not happy with my body changes, but i'm not down and out about it either. I hide, stuff and bandage the parts not meant to be seen through my shirt, but I want to do something about it, but I don't want to do the work. If I haven't said it enough, I absolutely HATE working out!!!!
After being asked by Tara to join her and a personal trainer I agreed. Why??????? last friday would've been my first session but I got sick. I had been thinking about it all day long and literally made myself sick. Didn't go. So this week i'm like 'yeah yeah i'll definately be there this friday' Friday was so long away I didnt think about it. Until friday morning, I felt the anxiety building all day, all day I said to myself " screw it, i'm not going". I'm out of shape so the last thing I want to do is be huffing and puffing, sweating and crying and feeling totally wiped out in front of a stranger.
After much shit was talked to me, I went and yes I huffed, puffed, sweat, wanted to cry, felt totally wiped out, my chest was burning, my throat was burning, I felt bad. Right now the area right about my knees are killing me because of the lunges he had us do. Even my ass hurts. My shoulder hurts, I just feel bad; sore all over.
I have been laughing at my pain though, all day i've been complaining to my mom and Keonia about how hard I worked out and how sore my body is to the point Keonia just said "shut the fuck up!!!!
Of course I laughed, but what does she know she hasn't worked out before, how does she know how I feel?
Anyway when she does a major workout like me maybe she'll understand. Me on the other hand; made an appointment to go back to the personal trainer next sunday,I swear to myself if I say i'm going, GO!! But if my body parts are still in pain next week I might not ever see the inside of a gym again.
After being asked by Tara to join her and a personal trainer I agreed. Why??????? last friday would've been my first session but I got sick. I had been thinking about it all day long and literally made myself sick. Didn't go. So this week i'm like 'yeah yeah i'll definately be there this friday' Friday was so long away I didnt think about it. Until friday morning, I felt the anxiety building all day, all day I said to myself " screw it, i'm not going". I'm out of shape so the last thing I want to do is be huffing and puffing, sweating and crying and feeling totally wiped out in front of a stranger.
After much shit was talked to me, I went and yes I huffed, puffed, sweat, wanted to cry, felt totally wiped out, my chest was burning, my throat was burning, I felt bad. Right now the area right about my knees are killing me because of the lunges he had us do. Even my ass hurts. My shoulder hurts, I just feel bad; sore all over.
I have been laughing at my pain though, all day i've been complaining to my mom and Keonia about how hard I worked out and how sore my body is to the point Keonia just said "shut the fuck up!!!!
Of course I laughed, but what does she know she hasn't worked out before, how does she know how I feel?
Anyway when she does a major workout like me maybe she'll understand. Me on the other hand; made an appointment to go back to the personal trainer next sunday,I swear to myself if I say i'm going, GO!! But if my body parts are still in pain next week I might not ever see the inside of a gym again.
St. Patrick's Day
Today made a year that Brandon was taken away from us. I miss that man sooo much it's hard to explain in words. I truly miss him. He was my backbone, he was my support, he was the man in my life, but he wasn't my man. I depended on him to raise my son, because I trusted him that much, I needed him to raise my son. I didn't ever imagine he wouldn't be here to do so and it has been damn hard without him. He was my voice of reason, comfort; he talked me off the edge many times, many times, and his voice in my head talked me off the edge when the pain of losing Him cut so deep I felt like jumping.
I hurt but i'm better because I made sure I let him know how privileged I was to have him and I respected him so much and showed my care and respect for him that I can rest easy knowing that he is in a much more lovely place and he knew without a doubt he was loved and appreciated.
I hurt but i'm better because I made sure I let him know how privileged I was to have him and I respected him so much and showed my care and respect for him that I can rest easy knowing that he is in a much more lovely place and he knew without a doubt he was loved and appreciated.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Burned Out
When I went back to work, I vowed to myself not to get so caught up in the everyday working cycle that I lose touch with myself and the goals I want to accomplish. I vowed to work only part time or half time, tooo much for ME can be overwhelming.
What did I do? I'm working too much and losing sight of my goals, plans and aspirations. I can't think straight because I have too much on my mind. Yes millions of mothers work and take care of their children, but yes millions are mothers can be overwhelmed and burned out also. I'm burned out.
I'm venting today because it is my off day and officially Wed. is but once again I had to come in because someone was sick, fine i'll have Thurs. off...... Nope someone called in this morning. Everytime someone decides or is sick, or has a life outside of work, i'm always called to come in, it's not like I have a life outside of work.
What did I do? I'm working too much and losing sight of my goals, plans and aspirations. I can't think straight because I have too much on my mind. Yes millions of mothers work and take care of their children, but yes millions are mothers can be overwhelmed and burned out also. I'm burned out.
I'm venting today because it is my off day and officially Wed. is but once again I had to come in because someone was sick, fine i'll have Thurs. off...... Nope someone called in this morning. Everytime someone decides or is sick, or has a life outside of work, i'm always called to come in, it's not like I have a life outside of work.
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