Matriarch

It's not that often most of the Ellis grandchildren and their children are all together. Last night we celebrated our grandmother's 80th birthday. Of all days she wasn't feeling well, but she joined us in her robe and rollers anyway. We laughed, reminisced, ate good food and cake, took silly pictures,got tipsy(I know I did I started interviewing her about the men back in the day) lmao. It felt like we were kids again just with our kids in tow.

Everything went great, we all played a part in her celebration and she enjoyed it.

If I haven't said it lately
I Love My Family ;)

Sandwiched

It's 2:30am and I have to pee soo bad, but i'm sandwiched between my kids. One is breathing on my neck and the other has her feet on my belly. So I feel trapped.

What in the world is going on?

Yea, I'm grateful for my two LoveBugs,  But it's time to put their asses outta my bed!!

Grateful

I must say, not worrying and letting God do his work is starting to pay off for me. I made a conscious decision not to get too worked up over buying my kids tons of gifts this Christmas. Instead I relaxed and shopped for them like it was a regular time of year, but I held on to the stuff and soon it piled up!!!

So with God's help I can say i'm officially done Christmas shopping for my children.

Slowly but surely I am following the echoes in my mind about putting things in The Lord's hands and letting go.  Anyway I hope we all have a great Holiday and many more to follow :)

cheapo

my days are comical. so my mom, me, and the two all go in dollar tree, she comes out thinkibg she got a deal on some warm gloves. by the time we got out the parkin lot her finger bust out one glove and the other one had two fingers sewn together. lmao!!! sometines you gotta buy expensive.

Business

My grandma, my mom and me went downtown Chicago to handle some business. When I say I was EXHAUSTED after being with them thats just an understatement. First they bickered the ENTIRE drive. Over what? I have no idea. Then we get to our destination finally. We're on the 18th floor of the Daley Center. Not my cup of tea riding the elevator and.my ears are popping. While court is in session we all know there is no talking. So why am I quietly reading my book and my mama is whispering to me in not so whispering voice, that when we leave here "let's go to Garret's popcorn it's right across the street"i politely wrote on a piece of paper "no talking" without bursting out laughing she snatched the pen and paper and wrote f.u.(inside, LMAO) That was just the beginning

Smarter than the devil

All I want for my Birthday is a night on the town. My life has been so crazy lately, tomorrow I could actually drop my kids off at a sitter, grab me something to eat, and come home and sleep for hours.

The devil has been trying to get me lately, I won't let him. He stopped my car from running, I found a way, he tried to interfere with me having a big interview, we found the director and had the interview anyway, the devil made my day a day from hell today, but guess what, i didn't lose my cool. I know today was a test, because the day was so fucked up at work the dumbest shit was happening it was unbelievable and I know I was being watched and tested. I passed. I passed because I didn't curse nobody out, I didn't scream, i didn't leave, i did not cry. I was in a trance all day. I'm starting to second guess my decision to apply for the management position. Sure it's moving up the career ladder, but it might be moving down the mental sanity ladder. I need my sanity, we all need me to be sane.

I have a lot of thinking to do this weekend, not worrying, just putting some things in prospective. But first tomorrow I need to celebrate with my loved ones for my birthday. not sure what i want to do yet, yall know i'm a procrastinator. It'll be a party wherever I am.

If I haven't said it lately,
Keep a peaceful mind, it's a life saver
yours and theres

It's Cold

Earlier tonight I asked Amarian to check the thermostat to see if it was on at least 74 degrees, because in this house 74 degrees is like 80 degrees. I was chilly. So he did it, so I expected to be all snuggly warm in just a few minutes. I stayed up for a while and I never noticed I kept clinching my blankets or my nose was cold.  I'll just give it time.......................

So it's now 4 am and I just can't take it anymore, It's COLD!!! I jump up out of the cold bed. I demanded myself to get up and check this damn thermostat out myself. Oh Lawd!!!! The boy turned it completely off. I was already cold when I got up but I instantly got colder looking at the thermostat turned all the way left.

I  felt so bad, what a bad mother I am, not to notice my children shivering and in fetal positions sleeping, trying to grasp heat from anywhere. I didn't  notice Kami was actually under the comforter and not sprawled out on top of the covers. I didn't even notice Amarian was wrapped in his comforter like a pig in a blanket. Wow, I must have been sleeping pretty darn good to be so cold.

 I can't sleep cold, So I'm now in my robe, a blanket, my boots and my hair bonnet. It's almost 6 am and i'm awake on a saturday morning. FML

Sexy Weekend

I must say this was a sexy weekend for me. Saturday I got up early and had breakfast with Carrie, we laughed and talked shit about the crazy kids and the school system.


Then we left and went down the street to a Sex toy store….. Ok it was my idea, but when I first walked in I felt like I made the wrong impulsive decision this time. My heart started racing and I was giggly, that was only my second time being in a sex store. Lame? Yeah I know. And I have two kids one who is just 2, right….

I think the bondage stuff is what made me nervous, seeing whips, chains and paddles, and leather masks wasn’t my idea of sexy fun, I felt like maybe we were going to be locked down and forced to perform some of the shit I saw on those dvd covers. Seeing a dick in a box on a shelf was kind of mind blowing, they look so real, its like I’m sure there are 20 to 30 dickless men in the back somewhere. Everything looks SO REAL!!!!!

I guess as I strolled around the store I felt more comfortable once I saw normal stuff, like lotions, oils, candles, bath products, the occasional lube and even some oral sex pop rocks, OMG!!!

Even though I go on and off my celibacy born again kicks, I wanted to buy something so bad. So I did, I’ll keep that to myself and the person who was with me. Lmao

My night was pretty much in the same category as my morning, for the second time in my life I went to a strip show. I thought I knew what to expect. But that didn’t stop my eyes from bulging out when scorpion the 6’4, 220lb stripper came out gyrating and carrying on. That’s when I got up and put a little bit in his briefs. 

That was the second time that night my feet touched the stage, the first time I was summoned by the announcer, he saw me earlier and he thought I was cute so he wanted to see if ‘taste like Candi’ was in the building. I let him look for me for a min. then I did the church lady one finger, I’m right here, now don’t embarrass me and he made me walk to him, on the stage. Why? Just to talk shit and watch me walk to him and even better when I walked back to my seat. Manish men ;)

Overall the night was good, the day actually was great. But no matter how much sexy, raunchy, stuff you see and do in one day not all nights end with a ‘Happy ending’ Wink Wink

Cupid's Grabbing My Hand

When I describe the man of my dreams, I would say tall, dark, handsome, good looking, nice teeth, clean shoes, sexy smile, a little rough around the edges, someone who can TRY to tame me. Someone I can have fun with, laugh with, be silly with, someone who simply adores me, silly, corny, mean, sassy, non dancing and all. Flaws and all.

I want a man that has children already, cause mama’s oven is off. A supportive man. Someone I can call anytime and he’ll answer, 3 am I’ve had a nightmare, he answers. 9 am I’m happy as ever and I just want to share a corny joke, he listens. A buddy, confidante, partner, a friend, soul mate, my rock. A hardworking man, smart, independent, honest man.

Sure, I want all those things from him and I will make it a mission to do the same for him. I can’t see myself dealing with any games, cheating, lieing, or playing deceitful games. It’s a scary world out there and sometimes it’s easier to stay single, or non attached than to take a chance on getting my feelings hurt. Let down, pissed off.

 

Well I met a guy. (Smiling) he is tall, dark, handsome, fine as ever, nice teeth, clean shoes, he already has children, independent, smart, rough around the edges, a hard working black man. We’re going on a date this weekend and I can’t wait.

Zumba

My sister and I are into making a bucket list, no we don’t plan on leaving this earth no time soon, but Tiny and her crazy friend Shakanah made one and it looked fun. So today was number one. Zumba……………………………………………..

 

Yeah I almost flatlined. Zumba is hard as heck!!!! Whoo hoo I was so tired after ten minutes, the instructor had us shaking and twisting getting nasty ( I swear that’s what the song said) and jumping and OMG. We moved every muscle and tendon and bones in our bodies. My legs were burning soo bad I had to take many breaks, lawd have mercy on the beginners. Lawd have mercy on the stiff people, just because I’m a black girl doesn’t mean I know how to twerk it, or drop it low.

I felt like I was being pressured, Keonia was all into it, moving how the instructor moved, even the older ladies had it, I fell to the ground, I stood in place, I took my shoes off, I had enough, I took a break for half of the class.We made friends we're suppose to go back wednesday night. We're suppose to go back wednesday night, yeah I said it twice.

But it was fun. lol

SisterHood

 

I recently watched the new show on OWN ‘Iyanla Fix My Life’ about ‘The Six Brown Chicks’. These are a group of black women who started a blog together to empower women of all kinds. Ego’s got in the way, greed, jealousy, anger, and hurt feelings contributed to the end of the creative blog.

This particular show was so emotional, Iyanla made these women get up close and personal, deep and raw with their feelings. I used to be one of those women who didn’t trust another woman, who didn’t speak to the sister next to me, and wasn’t friendly enough for her to speak to me. As black women we treat each other so bad, we walk past one another without a simple ‘Hello’ or even a smile. We hurt each other deeply, we turn on each other we turn our back on each other.

Well I don’t do that anymore, I have grown and changed. I am a woman and another woman can’t intimidate me, frighten me, make me feel envious or inferior. I speak to other woman in my near space especially another brown woman. I have a daughter and if I want her learn good morals and values and just plain ‘ol respect for your sisters I have to lead by example. A few years ago I gathered with a group of women in my life who all have a place in my heart, we started a pit fire and threw our fears in the fire. That was the beginning for me, I remember my writings and it took a while but I out lived that fear. I now have a new fear. As we grow its only human to have many fears but it’s only right to let them last only a little while, it’s time to do something with this fear in my heart, my soul, this fear of being alone on my mind, has to go.

It takes time and growth to realize our power. It takes a sisterhood to get through some things. With all the things we have going on nowadays, commitments, marriages, babies, jobs, ups and downs having a sister whether blood or by choice is a necessity in a woman’s life.

I’m just saying, if I haven’t said I love you lately

I love You

 

No Bullies Allowed!!!

I thought of the days my son would get older and other little boys would want to fight him and try his patience. With losing Eimen and Brandon days like this are the hardest because this is definately their job. I remember once Brandon told me, Jackie don't worry about him I saw him fight before and he's good. Every since then I was good.

Until these last two weeks. Amarian has been having some issues with a couple of boys but one in particular thinks he is soo bad. He talks shit to Amarian, they go back and forth everyday. What should have been a riot in the cafeteria between the two boys when he took Amarian's sandwich wasnt. I told Amarian he should have destroyed the place and that boy, the only way to get a bully to leave you alone is to kick his ass!!!!

I don't want to create something in my son thats not normally him, but he can't be a victim. My son will not be a victim, I am putting him back in Karate ASAP. He says he's not scared of the boy, he said I told him if someone hits him then he kicks their ass, I guess I forgot to tell him if they take your sandwich you can kick their ass then too. I just want him to not be afraid of anyone, I want him to have a strong self esteem level, full of confidence and able to back it up.

It's one thing to ignore a bully, tease him back, talkback, talk slick, and roast him well now they call it flame. Thats all fine and dandy, but when someone has lost all respect and manners towards you it's time to make an example out of this fool.

So yeah, I did the adult thing and  I went and talked to his mother, I'm glad I did, because it seems like the day went better for them. She was apologetic for having such a ignorant son and she talked to him. But.........
 

Amarian will be back in Karate this week, he might not hold grudges but mama does damnit!!

Love

If you've ever found love, If you've ever experienced love, If you're currently in love, you're lucky, you're blessed, and hold on to it.


You might only get One love in your life, so feel it, experience it, accept it and cherish it.  Many of us don't get a second chance at love just an imitation.

Life

Yesterday my mom, sis, the kids and me all went to the Universoul Circus. I had never been and I must say I can’t believe I ever missed this. I had a blast!!!! I don’t know where to start. First its called the UniverSOUL for a reason, African American’s definitely have soul. They played the latest hip hop edited versions, they did the latest dances, everyone was involved. They had many acts and shows, arms twisting behind heads, ninjas, Brazilian women, African men, llamas, camels, elephants, tigers, horses, it was funnnn. I am so proud of myself for going because my mind was ready to roll but my body felt like it was weighed down by a ton of bricks. I’m going to start taking my iron pills again. Anyway, Kami was so scared when we arrived, she was holding on to me for dear life, the music was bumping and thumping and drums beating she was like ‘oh no’. And she did not like that clown, no no, she swatted her hand and told him ‘stop. As time went on she warmed up and we couldn’t sit her down, she was so into it she was dancing in her chair, closing her eyes feeling the music. My baby is a music head just like her brother. Amarian was so cool, observing and I knew when we got home he was going to try some of that shit out and he did, before bed I found him on the floor trying to put his arm behind his head. Boys will be boys. My little family is so funny, my son is now upset because he thinks I’m not his real mother. WTF? Kami went through Amarian’s wallet and stole $2, he’s screaming at her to give him his money back, she’s running away screaming ‘my money, my money’ all the while I’m suppose to be doing homework? How? A day in my life. If I haven’t told you lately I love you lots

Rated Z

My my myyyy, my my my my!!!!

I planned on coming home taking my bath and relaxing in the bed, curled up reading my new book. Well I did manage to accomplish most of that, except this book wasn't just a book I could read a few chapters from and resume tomorrow. Nope, this is a new book by Zane, chocolate flava 3.

My ideal evening after reading this book should have been me coming home alone to a nice bubble bath, a little cognac, candles, music and then my book and then maybe a little Juan. lmao!!!

Anyway, I read the first chapter and it was kind of slow and your regular erotic story line, so I gave up on that one and skipped to the very last story and OMG!!!!! my heart is racing, my liver is quivering and i'm all giddy and giggly. I have got to hide this book so my kids don't ever discover it. This is the meaning of EROTIC, I feel like a freak. lmao!!! Oh well

The story is so graphic and detailed, I can picture the scene like it's a movie. A HOT movie. lol
Yall have got to get this book, I need another freak to talk to about this (C.N.W.), Oh lawd!!!

Good Night and Sweet Dreams to Me!!!

( I can hear my sister now)

Break

The word break could mean alot of things, taking a break, you're broken, or something is broken. Well my relationship with my sister is broken. There was a huge assumption from her that keonia and I didn't care about our paternal family. She was very emotional and it caused a family uproar. My youngest sister decided to express her feelings about our gripes and I asked her to explain herself, she wouldn't. Like she always does, she'll go so far then realize it's taking a different turn, then she'll change the subject.I didn't want her to change the subject, you started a status about you're sick of your sisters arguing and immature was in the sentence, explain to me little girl just what you mean. She wouldn't but she was being a smart alleck and it pissed me off so bad, because I am 15 years older than her, there is no way I will stand to be talked back to, or smart mouthed to from a little girl. She was being a bitch, she is most of the time a bitch, and i called her a bitch.

Older sis didn't like that, but she didnt' say a word to our little sister who i felt was smart mouthing me. But thats ok, I apologized for calling her a bitch, but I meant everything else I said about not being her friend.I am taking a break. I am taking a break from situations that bring me heartache, headaches, worry, sadness, madness, and confusion. I am taking a break from my family. Regardless of who is at fault, I talked face to face with my big sis, we argued, screamed, and at the end kiss and made up. Thats all I needed before I closed the door to our old relationship.

As far as my little sister, I wish her all the best in life. I will not be an immediate part of her growing up. Once someone can talk to you that way and feel no remorse, they have loss respect and care, and I refuse to be around for that.My children are enough, the offspring i bore are enough to get me up and going in life. My son and my daughter are enough to make me happy. Really they are all I need.

Eventful Days 2

I forgot to mention one of the many people my sister called before the police. Our mama. My mom was across town maybe 10 minutes away, she hauled ass to get the fucker who came in her yard and stole her grandson's bike. She arrived before the police of course. So now it's a mob of people across the street from where the boy is popping wheelies on Amarian's bike. He still didn't see them. Eventually the police rode pass. WTF??? Dude don't you see us? of course not. Grandma speeds down a one way street and signals the cop to get the boy on the bike. He sees her now, "oh ok than follow me" the cop said, so here is a police car riding down the street and Grandma following the cop IN REVERSE!!!! She was freaking driving down the road backwards. Adrenaline pumping. They went up to the boy and he admitted he stole the bike. But Gma had to check his ass before they left. She made him apologize and checked his ass for trespassing on her property to steal her grandson's bike. I'm sure Amarian won't ever leave his bike unattended again, but I'm more sure that boy won't come back on this block, i'm sure as hell he scared of Grandma.

Eventful Days

My recent days have been filled with drama, excitement, anxiety, tears, screaming, yelling, laughing, me seeing red, heart pumping out of my chest and all unecessarily. I have been making sure I pray to God before I close my eyes at night because I don't know what these events are leading me too. This morning I was awakened by my uncle beating on the door, sleepy eyed and annoyed, I ran to the door. SOMEBODY STOLE AMARIAN'S BIKE!!!! I'll be damned....... I brushed my teeth, grabbed my phone and car keys and headed my sleepy ass out the door to go look for the dude. What was I going to do if I spotted him? well, the way I felt ( a brewing adrenaline rush) I would've put my car in park wherever I saw him. All I could think about was, Amarian is going to be sooo mad when he wakes up, and I have to come out of more money to replace this bike. I never found it, I rode all around the neighborhood peeking in driveways and backyards; nothing, I had to give up. My baby boy had the long face, I told him don't worry i'll buy you a better bike!!! I planned on leaving work going to buy him a new bike, i'll show that mofo that stole his bike. But later on while I was at work my sis called me franic; they saw the boy on Amarian's bike. She followed him and parked so he wouldn't notice her and called the police. Well after she called everyone else first, my sister gets so nervous she calls the police last. lol. Anyway, they hawk eyed the teenager until the police came and MY BABY GOT HIS BIKE BACK!!!! Thank You God. It's a crying shame kids can't leave their things outside in their own backyard and expect it to be there when they return. He leaves his in the yard everynight and this one morning a homeless teenager, whose father is deceased and mother is drug addict decided since someone stole his bike he needed to steal someone elses. He apologized to Amarian numerous times. He got his bike back and an apology that was enough for us. Well for me cause Amarian was all fired up, he was ready to kick some tall ass. LOL

Learning the hard way

So i've learned not to get too happy and excited with life because when and if something bad happens it's the biggest shock and disappointment to the soul. So I try to stay kinda mellow about even the things someone else would be jumping up and down about, I can and sometimes do get really excited but sooner than later i'll catch myself and bring it back down a notch.

So anyway online school has been going good, I actually love it, i've taken a few tests and have had to study hard. I'm enjoying it. Mentally I feel good, homelife is cool, money is right, (for right now) family is good. Kami is learning new things everyday, more words like "yeah, purse, legs, see you later" they sound so cute. I even enrolled Amarian in baseball........

I'll tell you, I really had to check myself a few days ago. I was so excited for him to start baseball you would've thought he was going to the MLB, I could just picture him in the uniform looking soo cute especially with his cute baseball player butt, I admitted to everybody. "yeah i'm more excited than him, so what!!!

This is his first week of practice, and they of course play catch and so on. I usually let Kami play around the park if it's warm and then we go sit in the car for two hours. Yesterday we were sitting in the car Kami, Jadyn and me, and I was talking to another parent and i'll ocassionally glance at Amarian. On one of my glances I saw the other boy throw the ball, then I saw it go towards Amarian and he fell down to the grass. It took a minute for it to register that he just got hit with the ball, so I said it out loud. "he just got hit with the ball" I guess it took me to hear myself say it aloud cause the next thing I know I was running full speed across the baseball field. I heard the mother I was conversating with say "don't go over there you'll make him cry"

What??? Lady please, she obviously don't know me. Thats my son. One of the coaches was talking to him telling him to be calm and let's just go get some ice, his face was swelling by the second, we got him up and I said we'll just go home and get him some ice. We got in the car and he balled. My heart was already in my shoes, my baby just go hit in the FACE with a fucking baseball, his little bones, his delicate head, my child, I felt so hurt because it wasn't a little scratch I could put a bandaid on and tell him "ok man up" No he was black and blue.

I held it together though, I truly did, but inside I was balling with him. I explained to him and myself that in sports there is a chance you will get injured, you have to cry, heal and do it again. Don't give up!!! I let him take a break today from practice but damnit he'll be back out there tomorrow.

A little swollen, black and blue but ready!!!

Anxious Excitement

So if you didnt know by now, i'll admit i'm not a planner. I make procrastinator, spur of the moment type decisions. Meaning i'll think of something for weeks even months before I act on it. I've been wanting a new phone for about a month, and today I saw one more family member with a new phone. I said screw this and went and got me one :p and the more mind boggling, procrastination was when and what to go back to school for. So at 3am im awake watching the Flintstones in peace, It pondered my mind AGAIN when are you gonna go back to school??

TODAY!! No more waiting or excuses (even though they're valid) I enrolled in an online accredited college for an Early Childhood Education degree!!!
Im a little nervous but excited. Ill be fine
And successful. Yay me!!!

Work it Out

Throughout my life i'd dibble and dabble with exercise since high school, but I've never really taken it that serious, because I felt I didn't need to exercise. Until Now. I am not happy with my body changes, but i'm not down and out about it either. I hide, stuff and bandage the parts not meant to be seen through my shirt, but I want to do something about it, but I don't want to do the work. If I haven't said it enough, I absolutely HATE working out!!!!

After being asked by Tara to join her and a personal trainer I agreed. Why??????? last friday would've been my first session but I got sick. I had been thinking about it all day long and literally made myself sick. Didn't go. So this week i'm like 'yeah yeah i'll definately be there this friday' Friday was so long away I didnt think about it. Until friday morning, I felt the anxiety building all day, all day I said to myself " screw it, i'm not going". I'm out of shape so the last thing I want to do is be huffing and puffing, sweating and crying and feeling totally wiped out in front of a stranger.

After much shit was talked to me, I went and yes I huffed, puffed, sweat, wanted to cry, felt totally wiped out, my chest was burning, my throat was burning, I felt bad. Right now the area right about my knees are killing me because of the lunges he had us do. Even my ass hurts. My shoulder hurts, I just feel bad; sore all over.

I have been laughing at my pain though, all day i've been complaining to my mom and Keonia about how hard I worked out and how sore my body is to the point Keonia just said "shut the fuck up!!!!
Of course I laughed, but what does she know she hasn't worked out before, how does she know how I feel?
Anyway when she does a major workout like me maybe she'll understand. Me on the other hand; made an appointment to go back to the personal trainer next sunday,I swear to myself if I say i'm going, GO!! But if my body parts are still in pain next week I might not ever see the inside of a gym again.

St. Patrick's Day

Today made a year that Brandon was taken away from us. I miss that man sooo much it's hard to explain in words. I truly miss him. He was my backbone, he was my support, he was the man in my life, but he wasn't my man. I depended on him to raise my son, because I trusted him that much, I needed him to raise my son. I didn't ever imagine he wouldn't be here to do so and it has been damn hard without him. He was my voice of reason, comfort; he talked me off the edge many times, many times, and his voice in my head talked me off the edge when the pain of losing Him cut so deep I felt like jumping.

I hurt but i'm better because I made sure I let him know how privileged I was to have him and I respected him so much and showed my care and respect for him that I can rest easy knowing that he is in a much more lovely place and he knew without a doubt he was loved and appreciated.

Burned Out

When I went back to work, I vowed to myself not to get so caught up in the everyday working cycle that I lose touch with myself and the goals I want to accomplish. I vowed to work only part time or half time, tooo much for ME can be overwhelming.

What did I do? I'm working too much and losing sight of my goals, plans and aspirations. I can't think straight because I have too much on my mind. Yes millions of mothers work and take care of their children, but yes millions are mothers can be overwhelmed and burned out also. I'm burned out.

I'm venting today because it is my off day and officially Wed. is but once again I had to come in because someone was sick, fine i'll have Thurs. off...... Nope someone called in this morning. Everytime someone decides or is sick, or has a life outside of work, i'm always called to come in, it's not like I have a life outside of work.

Happy Birthday Khaliah!!

I must admit turning 30 and the others who have followed is a little bit too much fun. Maybe 30 is the new 20?
We have celebrated and very much enjoyed ourselves this weekend partying with Khaliah and a stripper and a pole and naughty toys, liquor, family, friends, laughing, laughing, music and dancing. For two days. Phew!! Lol

But, I just want to say one last time for 2012. HBD Khaliah I love you, you are the closest thing next to a sister to me, and I hope all your dreams come true.

Xoxo

Singing:: I'm in love with a stripper

I'd been anticipating going out this weekend all week, I had the idea of the outfit I wanted to wear and all. But on saturday my clothes didn't fit right, my hair wouldn't act right, I was wasting time, I decided I didn't want to go. I was in the company of my niece Jadyn and she calls herself the 'kid stylist' when me and Keonia go out she dresses us, she said no I need to wear my black skinny jeans, my lace black shirt,and my leopard heels, so I did.

I went to a strip club with friends. I had never been before so I didn't know what to expect other than men dancing naked. I am so lame yall, I was nervous. LOL. Maybe because I didn't really know if they would touch you or not.???

Anyway, I was sipping my cocktail when the party began and these men came out dancing with the baddest bodies (good) strong arms, abs outta this world, popping and gyrating. OMG enough said. I was really enjoying the sights and watching these women act like they were the only men left on earth. But still understanding because they were fine as hell.

But baby, when Mr. Incredible came out, I was instantly a groupie, it was no one else in the room but me watching him. This man was chocolate, rock hard abs, swag, sexy, popping his body and looking directly at me. Did I mention he was chocolate, rock hard body, sexy and looking at me? Oh Lawd!!!!
My eyes did not leave that man the whole time he performed and not until I left the building. Everytime we would catch eye contact he would wink at me. (lol, i'm giggling) But in between time a few hours later I asked Tara to take our picture together, he gladly did. I wrapped my arms around his hard body and this mans smell mesmerized me. LMAO!!!

I whispered some encouraging words in his ear and we chatted for a minute, he gave me his card and told me to give him a call anytime :)

I must admit my first experience at a exotic club was an awesome one, Watching those fine, strong brothers dance and pop their bodies..... was lovely. But there was one other guy who kept appearing wherever I was, I could've swore he said his name was Lust:) I talked with him for a minute he grabbed me and hugged me, oh boy this guy was caramel, nice skin, nice teeth, clean, sexy yall, young, strong and smelled delicious!!!! He didn't perform but he should have. I got his digits and I had to leave, my soul was overwhelmed by then.

I woke up this morning and reality hit me that I can't be anything to these men, it was intoxicating fun and thats all. Even though I talked to them both today. Hee!! Hee!!

Fire

I've been saying for a while now, we need to have another pit fire and throw our demons in the fire. But seeing now that it's a blizzard outside i'm sure thats not going to happen soon. I remember throwing my fear and self doubt in the fire it felt good, I wasn't sold on the idea though and it didn't happen when the paper left my hands, but as time has gone on I am less fearful and way less self doubting myself.

We all participated and wanted to better ourselves by coming together that cold evening, being vulnerable, writing our changes out on paper, throwing our worries in the fire and protesting our wants for the universe to hear. We all had different goals, worries, aspirations and wishes that night. We come from different walks of life, we all could possibly be going in different directions but we were all the same in one way. We are women, mothers, sisters, and friends. And I say we plan a date.

I'm ready to throw some more shit in the fire, and this time I might need a notebook.

If I haven't said it lately
I Love You :)

I'm not mad, damnit!!!!

I knew from the time I opened my eyes to shut off my alarm at 7:30 am, I should've stayed home. I woke up earlier this morning at 3 to give Kami some milk and I couldn't go back to sleep so I turned the tv on and of course went on facebook. So I didn't go back to sleep til after 4am.

So anyway today feels like a monday morning rather than the friday it is; the last day of the frickin week. I should be happy and oh so glad. The first thing I did when I got to work was buy a coke, I ended up drinking coffee anyway. So i'm in my zone at work, thinking and working and coloring and thinking and working and the convo goes like this to me

"what's the attitude about?
what attitude? I don't have an attitude
"you look mad"
i'm not mad, i'm fine (smiling)
"oh she's crabby today"
I'm not mad, I don't have an attitude, and I'm not crabby
"well it's a black woman thang, she's got a permanent attitude"

My eyebrows go up now,
"I WASN'T FUCKING MAD, BUT SINCE YALL KEEP SAYING IT, NOW I'M FUCKING MAD"
"oh maybe she needs a timeout so she can calm down

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait til this day is over

Long time no hear from

It's been a while, I'm back now I had to take a small break. Some many things have occured in the meantime also, I had a breakdown at work (mofo's pissing me off) I had a breakdown at home (goddamn Boy) but i've also had many many happy, laughing moments. My selling Avon has been steady not to mention; Fun. I enjoy it very much. I never thought I would like anything to do with sells but nope; I like.

I've also gotten two matchmaking chances, one was not a go, the second matchmaking I did is in the process right now. Stella is on a date, yall!!!!! I actually had this thought the other day; when the hell is my matchmaker gonna make it happen for me?
Shit if I hook everybody else up, i'm gonna still be stuck with the same stick in the mud? I guess my prince will arrive shortly, until then i'll wait patiently.