Bleeding Heart

Why do people come into our lives to leave? What is the lesson we're suppose to learn from the memory of a loved one? How can I think of any memories especially good when my heart is bleeding and painful? I have been holding it back all day long, but I just wanted to burst out and scream, Why? Why? does it matter when I look at the calendar and notice the date it makes me sad and my mind wonders back to the date a year ago when the last thing Eimen said to Amarian was "tell your mama I love her?" I for the life of me cannot see the lesson or reason why God would take away a child's parent so suddenly. I have not been to church in about a year because I thought I knew God and could understand the things he makes happen, but I don't so I don't go. My heart is hurting and my soul is still raw, it doesn't matter how many steps I move forward or what I change in my life, I cannot shake this feeling. I lost the one person in the world who truly understands me, my protector, my shield I knew if he was around nothing would hurt me, I felt so protected by him, and every since he's been gone I feel naked and unshielded, no one has made me feel that way since and I doubt if anyone ever could. I know i'll be fine as the dates go on until this time again next year but for now I feel like the year is 2009 and I'm re-living my worst days.