For the last couple of years life has really been kicking me in the ass. I'll have awesome things happen to me and I'll finally smile and laugh again then BOOM!!!! The devil takes charge yet again. This can't be what life is all about; confusion, frustration, sadness, a pinch of joy, grief, sorrow, with a dash of happiness. There has to be another way to deal with this life of up's and down's.
So today I just made a detour before starting work and I came across the latest People magazine and it caught my eye because with 9/11 coming up the children of fallen fathers were featured and I buy stuff like that to share with Amarian, to remind him there are other kids like him. So when I finally got a chance to read the magazine in the back was an article about a woman who's son was killed and how she has now forgiven him and even accepted him as her "son" (the guy who killed her only child). I went on her website a few minutes ago and it came to my mind, maybe life is so confusing and difficult for me because I have yet to forgive richard, the guy responsible for Eimens death?
Even writing his name makes me cringe, how can I possibly forgive him? I don't think about him i thought that was good enough. Maybe not, maybe God is waiting on me to free the hatred and power the name 'rich' has over my mind? Oh God this is truly going to be one of the hardest things ever for me to do.
Forgive the person who started the domino effect of sadness in my life, forgive the person who recklessly took my son's dad and bestfriend away for good, forgive the person who is responsible for me hitting rock bottom emotionall? This sounds so overwhelming. I guess I have to do it. I don't know how to start.
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